Monday, 4 May 2009

The government will know everything about you

Allegra (my SO) and I were driving home from a long, lovely day of Beltine celebrations yesterday, and my mind was wandering:

ME: They should make cars with plug sockets in them. I mean, on a long trip I’d have my sat. nav.--if I had one--plugged into my cigarette light, my mp3 player plugged into my cigarette lighter, my mp3 player charger plugged into my cigarette lighter... I should have little plugs on the dashboard where I can just have them all plugged in.

ALLEGRA: Yeah, but they’re not going to do that. They’d just have a particular spot to plug your iPod in.

ME: Oh, Gods, you’re right. Ford will enter into an unholy alliance with Apple. If you drive a Ford, you’ll need to own an iPod, a Mac, use iTunes... it’s terrifying because it’s true.

But it goes beyond that. When you take your Ford in to be repaired, they’ll ask for your iPod because the car downloads diagnostic info to it. Don’t have an iPod? Sorry sir, can’t service your car.

And it would make so much sense to have your iPod talk to Google Maps and Google Traffic (give it a few months). Of course, you won’t be able to turn off the traffic announcements any more than you can when they come through the damned car radio. And then, of course, your iPod will talk to Twitter. It can automatically upload your location, your speed and what song you’re listening to. You’ll be able to search Twitter for useful info: ‘between junctions 9 and 10 on the M25, the most popular song at the moment is Chris Rea’s, ‘Road to Hell’. Amazon will be listening to Twitter and looking for patterns. ‘People who like this roundabout also liked... Do you want to download these songs?’

It won’t be long before you can run some other random car your stuck behind’s number plate through your magical iPod, find out what song they’re listening to, where their going and how long they’ve been going there, and Tweet insulting messages to them.

The future: combining road rage and flame wars. Coming to a motorway near you soon!

On another note, check out DM of the Rings. It’s wonderful. It’s amazing. It’s hilarious. It's the entire trilogy as a D&D game. There's no room for fail in that equation.


Evis T said...


Now the question is, how many multiplugs can you safely daisy chain to a car?

Foxie said...

Sweet! I can have my laptop open and running on the passenger seat. That won't be a lethal distraction. And I can have a kettle plugged in. That's definitely going to end well. TV, speakers and Xbox... I reckon we can get a good four multipoints chained up before the bonnet explodes.