Wednesday, 22 April 2009

Eunuchs drink decaff

Let’s be honest:  decaff coffee is emasculating.  It’s drunk by thin, weedy people with nasal voices who drive G-Wiz’s and insist on speaking about a girl’s right to have pierced nipples for her twelfth birthday at the local P.T.A. meeting (it’s empowering).  They’re not new-age crystal waving hippies, though:  They work in offices, have granite work surfaces and still drink coffee, dammit!  They just think caffeine interferes with their chi... and their heart.  I may be a vegetarian, a card-carrying member of the CND and increasingly convinced that the Lib Dems are too right-wing, but there’s a line.  I spend my life terrified of crossing it.

Yes, I have gender roll issues.  I grew up in the eighties and nineties, which meant that when I was forming my (very important) ideas about gender identity, mainstream media was constantly telling me that every natural instinct I have is Bad and Wrong and solely responsible for every Evil of the World.  It’s lead to a man approaching thirty who feels the primal need to go out and kill wolverines with his bear hands, and then come home and cry his guilt into a cup of peppermint tea.  But I digress.

I like the taste of coffee and that’s why I drink it.  That’s why I have it so strong.  Does decaff taste the same?  Well, over the next few days my SO will be making my coffee for me.  She’ll be making cups of decaff, normal cups and cups which mix both.  She’s not going to tell me which cup is which. With a little luck, it will eliminate the bias I have against decaff and allow me to judge empirically.

Meanwhile, Evis has been generous enough to bring his Amazing Tea Stash in for shares.  I had a cup of Earl Grey just now.  It was quite nice.  Tasted a bit like tea (normal tea), with a slight aftertaste of pizza.  Tea is a whole world to itself, isn’t it?  I never realised.  Dare I venture into this brave new world?


Evis T said...

....join......ussss..... come to the tea side.....

Anonymous said...

Like you, I had to switch to this "healthy living" business due to being unwell and unfit. But I enjoy decaff as long as it's not "instant". I get whole decaff beans and make my own coffee and it tastes amazing :)