Wednesday, 8 April 2009

The Last Thoughts of Ben Kenobi

OBI-WAN: Only a master of evil, Darth.

See, until the prequels I always assumed that Obi-Wan used ‘Darth’ as a name, not a title.  That’s the way the line is delivered.  In Obi-Wan’s mind, Anakin is dead and there is only Vader.  What made him utterly give up hope on his pupil and friend?  He left Anakin on Mustafa because he couldn’t bring himself to finish the job.  He couldn’t be the one to kill him, because he cared so much for Anakin.  What changed in his vigil on Tatooine?

Or is Obi-Wan just being a dick?  It seems to be something Jedi do when they get older.  I mean, witness Qui-Gon’s ‘I’ll take Anakin as my apprentice’ when Obi-Wan is standing right there.  Or Yoda’s, ‘I got my arse kicked so I’m going to a swamp to sulk for the next sixteen years... No, no, I’m not going to help the rebellion, or try and protect the remaining Jedi.  I’m not even going to take anything from the Jedi temple with me--too many bad memories.  I’m going to a swamp to think about what a failure I am.  I’m going to paint my hut black and listen to Morrissey.’

So Obi-Wan comes face-to-face with his failure and acts like a twelve-year-old.  ‘Only a master of evil, Darth’.  ‘You’re just a Darth.  I’m a Jedi Master. Ner-ner-ne-ner-ner.’

OBI-WAN: Strike me down now, and I’ll become more powerful then you can possibly imagine.

VADER:  More powerful then I can possibly imagine?

OBI-WAN:  Yes, far more powerful.

VADER:  I can imagine quite a lot of power.

OBI-WAN:  I’ll be more powerful than that.

VADER:  Will you be able to blow up planets?  This battle station can, so I don’t even have to imagine that.

OBI-WAN:  I don’t mean--

VADER:  Or how about that time I landed that Star Destroyer on Coruscant.  That was pretty pimp.  If I kill you, will you be able to do that?

OBI-WAN:  It’s not like--

VADER:  Are you going to be able to bring Padme back?  Palpatine said he could, but every time I ask him about it, he’s all like, ‘tomorrow, Lord Vader’, ‘we just need to destroy this planet, Lord Vader’.  To be honest, I’m beginning to wonder...

OBI-WAN:  Padme’s dead, Darth.  I was there when it happened.

VADER: Nuh-Uhhh.  She’s being kept alive on Coruscant.  With, like, tubes and robotics and shit.  Palpatine told me.  Only I can’t see her, because my suit has germs on it.  But he’s working on a decontamination thing for me.  He told me.

LUKE: Ben!

VADER:  Huh?  Who’s that?

OBI-WAN:  No one!  He’s no one!  Pay no attention to the boy behind the blast shield!

VADER:  He feels familiar...

OBI-WAN:  Um, yeah, well, that’s because... you see... you know that guy? We met in that bar that one time?  Yeah, well, that’s his son.  Luke Sky... Wanderer.  Luke Skywanderer.

I dunno.  Maybe they’re both as bad as each other.

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